


Apologies

by JosephineStone



Series: My Dark/Hurt fics [13]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Hogwarts High School, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-03
Updated: 2016-01-03
Packaged: 2018-05-11 09:11:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5621650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JosephineStone/pseuds/JosephineStone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Draco has the perfect plan to get revenge on all his classmates their last year at Hogwarts, until they exclude him from participating in the Christmas charity event. He should have expected it. It's what they always do. When he thinks the situation can't get worse, Harry Potter shows up at his door.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Knowmefirst](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Knowmefirst/gifts).



> My knowledge of England is very limited, so if what I'm imagining in the story sounds too American it's because I'm too American. Thanks to C, L, and T for looking through this for me on such short notice and so quickly. To T for helping me come up with the names for all the bands and the Christmas concert. Y'all are the best. ♥ And to the mods for being so patient with me (as it's not even December anymore). Burberry's name was actually Burberrys until about 1998 and all of the events in this story happen prior to that.

**1997 ******

'Remember, Seventh Years, our winter drive goes on for the entire month of December, and the team that gets in the most donations wins a party the last day of school before Winter Break,' the overly excited voice of the Headmaster said over the intercom. 'The groups will be posted on the bulletin board outside the main office and, of course, will also be on the bulletin board online on our school web page: www.hogwartshigh.com.' As he continued to ramble on about upcoming school events, Draco sat in English, his first class of the day, reading through his notes for a test he had in Astronomy that day.

At least, he tried to.

Draco had been waiting for this announcement all year long. He'd been waiting for it since he'd heard that same announcement his first year at Hogwarts High. That announcement was his revenge on all his peers.

His parents were rich and he had this competition in the bag. He'd been going through his things, and then his parents things, even the basement and the attic since the summer before, gathering everything they no longer wanted, needed or had simply forgotten about. At the beginning of the school year, Draco started going through their kitchen cupboards every week pulling out all the cans of food he knew they'd never actually eat. Since his mother just kept buying more of them, he then had two boxes of them stored with everything else.

Oh yes, his team was sure to win, and they'd know it was all because of him. For once they'd have to be grateful to him or, much more likely, be jealous that none of them could have done what he had done. He wouldn't even go to the party. Just let them look around knowing their failure and stew in their hatred and jealousy of him. The revenge was petty and childish and Draco knew that but it was for his peers' petty, childish behaviour in the first place so he didn't care.

The Christmas drive and resulting Christmas party were major events at the school. Their Headmaster, who came from America, had come up with it his first year there. He'd been with the school for twenty years. 

Draco wanted their memories of it, whether they were in the group which won or one of the ones which lost, to be as sour and ruined as all his memories of school; from his first day of stepping into the building.

Draco didn't look up from his notes. He didn't want any of his classmates to know how much he cared about this annual event. They were all buzzing with excitement around him, but part of his plan was to ignore that, to pretend it was such a silly thing to get excited about and completely beneath him. 

In short to pretend to be the person they all just _knew_ he was. That way, when he donated more than they ever could, they'd hate him for ruining their fun that much more.

He avoided the front offices for two reasons; both of them were because of that list. 

To pretend he wasn't interested meant he couldn't be seen looking at it to find out what group he was in. But also, because every other seventh year did care, that hallway became way too crowded and it would make him late for class just trying to push through it.

Because, he didn't care—and said so in every class to make sure everyone knew how little he cared—he arrived before anyone else to all of his classes the rest of the day.

* * *

As soon as Draco arrived home that evening, he ran upstairs to his room.

It was what he did every day as part of his revenge against his mother for her part in this whole situation because really it had been all her fault to begin with. Only, unlike his classmates, he loved his mother. So for the most part, he tried to not hurt her. Avoiding her until dinner was the most he'd ever do.

The sun was at that level where it shone right into his eyes when he entered his room, so he shut his curtains before he sat at his desk and opened his laptop.

Draco's father was hardly ever around, always out working in the city during the week. Even when Draco was a toddler, he'd only come home on the weekends. Those weekends happened less and less, and before the major school decision, Draco only saw him about once month. His parents were still married, and his mother didn't seem to see anything going wrong in their marriage, but Draco was pretty sure those weekends weren't work related. He was also pretty sure his father wasn't sleeping in a studio apartment with just a bed and computer during the week either.

His mother and he lived in a smaller town, Cholsey, in a house, they'd had built for them after buying two run-down cottages that sat next to each other in one of the wealthier parts of town.

At least, that was how his parents looked at it. The neighbors weren't so happy about the teardown and refurb of them, but they were too polite to say it his mother's face. He'd heard it himself when people thought he wasn't listening.

Draco's mother wanted him to have a simpler life. More like what she had while living in a mansion in London with her two sisters, except for not as extravagant. They ran around the neighborhood with kids their age who were everywhere—just like the neighborhood she'd picked in their town—whereas his father grew up in a manor in the country. His father had had very little contact with kids his age, except his cousins who were always around, until he went to a public school at eleven. 

His father wanted him to go to that same public school, but his mother wanted him home in the evenings. She wanted a closer family life than that, like how she imagined life as a commoner was. His father pointed out that, even though she went to the same public school as he had, she still remained close to her family. As well as he did have a very close relationship with his family while living with them at the manor. Things had simply changed after they'd married. 

Draco was never told what had changed. That they didn't choose to live in the manor was probably a big part of it. The odd way his parents lived in their marriage was probably the rest of it.

But in the end, his father wasn't around and his mother was. 

So even though Draco never did make friends with the kids in his neighbourhood, never did at the state schools she sent him to, never in the classes—from dancing to karate—she had him take for character building, she sent him to Hogwarts High with the same kids who'd wanted nothing to do with him for years.

Draco avoided her after school and only made an appearance for dinner. That seemed to be enough for her, anyway. 

Of course, on that particular day, he ran upstairs because he did, in fact, care a great deal which team he was on, and he had to get online to see it. Family computers were common among his classmates. Just because his mother wanted him to have an average life didn't mean she wanted him to be without the best. He was still in a good school district and he had his own computer: a laptop that all his classmates would envy if they knew it existed. 

Draco treated it like a desktop computer, even though he could take it with him wherever he went. If he tired, he'd probably have been jumped for it anyway. Sometimes he took it to the living room just because he could.

There was a student committee that organized the Christmas charity event.

Draco had at first thought about joining it, but as there was no way to ruin the campaign in general—and he had no desire to as it was a good idea—ruining their fun in it after it was all over was a much better plan in his mind.

Every year there were four groups, but the committee got to choose how they came up with them on their own. So it was different every year. Once it was alphabetical by their last names and another time it was done by what neighborhood they lived in. It was the only thing that changed each year. Sometimes they named the groups and less creative committees just called them one, two, three and four.

The page loaded. 

This year they'd come up with mascots and colours for each team as if they were sports teams. There was a lion, raven, snake and a badger of all things. Draco began scanning the list for his name to see which color he should probably avoid wearing the next day at school. 

Although, he would try to avoid all of them for a while. The difficulty was that they were the primary colours: red, green, blue, and yellow. Draco wore a lot of neutrals, but they had secondary colors of silver, gold, gray, and black. Avoiding wearing gray as well as black would be a challenge. He hoped most people went for the primary colours for their group pride, so he could go unnoticed in grays and blacks.

He didn't see his name right away and began trying to figure how they divided up the list. It was random. Some people lived near each other, but then others were on the other side of the district. The names—first, last, and what Draco knew of the middle—didn't line up alphabetically. The only thing that they seemed to have in common was that they were all with their friends.

Draco swallowed and groaned.

That was _it_. 

Their committee grouped them by their groups of friends. 

They put the overachievers and bookworms together. They put the jocks of various sports together. They put the geeks and nerds with the stoners for some reason, and the gamers with the drama club—well, once Draco looked closer it was all the clubs: chess, video games, mixed in with future teachers, and the debate team. There was a lot of overlap that they had to sort out, but it looked more like they were putting people together not just by their stereotype but by who they genuinely got along with. 

Like Zabini was on the debate team, so he was in the group with them, even though he also played football. He was known to spend more time with his debate friends than anyone on the team even though they were all his friends. Longbottom was with the jocks even though the only sport he played was golf because, despite the fact he did smoke a bit of pot and was more of a loner, he spent the most time with Potter and Weasley out of anybody.

Loners. That was another label he could have given the nerd, geek and stoner group, and maybe that was what it really was. But Draco was the ultimate loner, and his name wasn't in that group. 

He'd checked every one. 

Draco wasn't in any clubs for obvious reasons. He was listed as a member of two, but he'd gone to only a few meetings before he gave up on the idea that clubs were going to help him make friends either. Chess and debate were where he'd tried. It was also the group, that if they were going for getting along with, Draco did. With a few, at least. Zabini's locker was next to his and they had a few classes with each other.

They weren't friends. Draco had made the mistake of confusing someone simply being nice to him as them being his friend or wanting to when he was younger, he wouldn't repeat that mistake now that he was older. But they were polite to each other. 

Yet, Draco wasn't on that list either.

Since he was a loner, he was always studying or reading a book, so he thought maybe they put him there, but after reading the list for the third time his name was still missing.

Draco played no sports, not since he quit the football team after Fourth Year, and he got on the least with the people who did.

Tapping on the keyboard, he scanned the list, wondering what they'd meant by it if they had added him there, and how it might be even better for his revenge if he hated his teammates. 

The obvious people were on the list: Finnigan, Thomas, Brown. This must have been another one of their pathetic slights against him. Group everyone with their friends or people they got on with well, except him. If his group was people who hated him the most, then maybe he'd back out and not participate at all. Well, their plan wasn't going to work. Excitement bubbled in his stomach as he read the names, remembering why he hated each of them. 

Then everything began to crash around him as his name was missing from that list as well.

Of course, they'd exclude him. 

It's what they'd always done.

* * *

The next day at school, Draco was angrier with everyone around him than usual. When he slammed his locker, Zabini quietly closed his own and asked, 'What's wrong?'

'Nothing out of the ordinary,' Draco said shaking his head. They fell in step as they walked to class. 'Just everyone . . .' being their usual hateful selves. 

'Hmm,' Zabini said, 'did you read the winter drive list?'

Draco scoffed. 'Why would I bother? We're donating money and gifts all year long.' Which was true. One guy at the Salvation Army called him by his name because Draco came by so often he felt odd not knowing it. His mother was big on giving as well, especially around Christmas. 

'We don't need an event or competition to have a reason to be involved in helping the community.' 

It was more important than ever for Draco to keep up the charade that he didn't care.

Although, Draco wasn't self-involved enough to believe that Zabini bothered to look for his name, he knew there were people who'd have noticed it missing. Like the people who made the decision to not include him to begin with, and the people who hated him just as much as he hated them and, therefore, wanted to make sure he wasn't in their group. 

So it had been a really good thing he hadn't figured out he'd been excluded until he was safe at home the day before. They would have been looking for his reaction. And it was important that he did not give it to them the next day or the day after that or they'd win.

They already had, though. And that was the real reason for Draco's foul mood. Years of waiting and months of preparing and they took it away from him.

He was stuck.

Draco couldn't go to the committee and demand to be placed in a group because then they'd know he cared and that team winning wouldn't have the effect he needed it to have. Maybe some would still be jealous, but it wouldn't be enough if they knew he cared just as much as they did. The same thing would happen if he just added himself to one of the teams without telling anyone. And there was no way of getting the information about how much was donated to even out all the teams and keep any of them from winning because he wasn't on the committee. 

The only thing he could do was keep his mouth shut and pretend none of it affected him. 

Just like he had from the moment he decided that hating them was much more worth his time than trying to become friends with them.

* * *

At home, Draco was confronted by the massive amount of stuff he had gathered in his living room. _His_ because he was the only one to use it. It had a large television and all his video games with an oversized couch that looked unused because it mostly was. Draco preferred the wingback chair, even if it was off centre from the television. It was more his father's taste: dark browns and leather. His mother had her own sitting room and office upstairs, even though she didn't work. It was filled with creams and floral patterns with accents in blue; her favourite colour. Draco didn't really know what his taste was, but he suspected something in the middle. He didn't like the darkness in the living room and the leather made him feel cold. His mother's rooms were too bright and full, making him feel suffocated much like her presence sometimes.

In his living room there was so much stuff piled together for the drive that it spilled over into the entryway, but as he was the only one to ever come through the front door—and their entryway was almost as big as his living room—it really wasn't in his way.

It was, however, a constant reminder of his failure.

Not just at his revenge, but of his inability to fit in or ever make friends with any of them to begin with. He needed to get rid of it.

He would still donate it. He just hadn't had the energy for the last few days, which turned into a week. Draco pictured the conversation with the Salvation Army worker; he had a million times by then. Only now the conversation he was picturing went a lot differently. They worked in partnership with the school for the drive every year, so they were used to keeping track for them. 

It was obvious Draco was a student. 

They'd ask him, 'What team are you on?'

It'd happened for the last few years as it was and he'd reply that he wasn't a Seventh Year yet. Maybe he could say that again. But the one guy, Tyler, who knew his name wouldn't fall for it because he knew that Draco was a seventh year.

So what would he say? 

There was also the problem that it would take more than one trip as it all wouldn't fit in his car, which would just make those awkward encounters that much more difficult to get through.

A week into the competition it was still cluttering up his entryway when there was a knock on his door. His mother ordered a lot of things, so Draco was used to having to sign for them. He didn't even think about checking who was outside before opening the door.

He should have. He really should have because it was Harry Potter.

'Oh,' Potter said, clearly just as surprised to see Draco standing there as Draco was to see him. 'I was just going around to collect things for the drive.'

Draco could have kicked himself for not remembering that they did this as they came by every year. He used to have a box ready for them. One of the reasons the student committee had divided them up by neighborhoods that one year was because the town was already divided up into four groups that were created years before and didn't often change. They could ask for donations, but they couldn't go into another group's territory. 

It was to make sure that the competition was fair.

'Well, I don't have anything for you, goodbye.' As Draco was shutting the door, Harry put his foot in it to stop it from closing.

'Wait, Draco! I didn't know you lived here.'

Draco said nothing. Potter would have had he ever come over like—Draco stopped that train of thought. There was no use going back down that road. 

'I live just down—'

'I know,' Draco said, 'I've been to your house, and now you know where I live. Please, remove your foot from my door and leave.'

Potter's face scrunched up in confusion and was looking just over Draco's shoulder. 

Shit.

'What's that?'

Draco tried to position himself in the crack of the door so that Potter couldn't see any further in. 

'It's nothing.'

'It looks like a whole lot of nothing. If that's all for your team, there is no way we'll catch up. What team are you on?'

'Draco?' His mother came up behind him, making him jump and the door swung opened. 'Who's at the door? Oh, hello, Harry! Come in, I haven't seen you in ages.'

Potter smiled and closed the door behind him after he entered. Draco bit the inside of his cheek. This was not going to end well. 

'Mum, he was just leaving.'

'But he just got here?' Then she turned to Potter and said, 'You must stay for supper, so I can catch up. I don't know why you boys don't spend more time here. I'm not that scary, am I?'

'He can't stay. He's looking for donations for . . .' Draco trailed off because the pile behind him made that conversation just as dangerous ground. 'He needs to get going.'

'Actually, I'd love to stay,' Potter said and Draco wanted to punch him in his face right then, but he couldn't do that in front of his mother. 'Let me just call my parents and let them know. Can I borrow your phone?' 

His mother pointed to the nearest one that was on a table in the living room.

Draco rolled his eyes.

'What? You're hardly ever around anymore. I like to know what you and your friends are up to.' When Potter had joined them again she added, 'I was just about to start cooking, why don't you boys go upstairs and I'll call you down when it's ready?'

Not having much of another choice, Draco stomped up the stairs with Potter following behind him.

One of the things that bothered Draco about Potter was how he seemed to fit and be comfortable wherever he went. He entered Draco's room as if he'd done it a million times before, and sat at Draco's desk without asking. The only other place to sit in Draco's room was his bed, so he grabbed a book and laid across it determined to ignore Potter for the rest of the evening.

'I'm going to look up the groups since you're being so rude about it.' Potter was on his laptop and Draco was off the bed and next to him slamming the lid in a flash.

'Do not touch my computer.'

Potter laughed. 'Fine. We can just talk instead: what did your mum mean about _us_ not spending enough time around here?'

'She doesn't know what she's talking about, just ignore her. You shouldn't have accepted her offer either, she was just trying to be nice.'

'Fine.'

'Fine.'

Draco went back to pretending to read his book as Potter kept trying to fiddle around with his stuff and Draco stopped him at every turn until his mum called them down to supper.


	2. Chapter 2

**1991**

After the big school decision, Draco was down at the park trying to get himself to walk up to a red haired boy who looked to be his age and was playing football with his brothers. He didn't have the nerve and was walking away when he ran into a scrawny boy with wild black hair and round glasses.

'Sorry,' the kid mumbled. 

'It's fine.' Draco smiled and held out his hand. 'I'm Draco Malfoy.'

The boy smiled down at his hand and took it. 'Harry Potter.'

'So what do you like to do?' Draco saw that like himself, Harry hadn't brought anything with him.

Harry shrugged. 'I'd like to—' Harry nodded over to the boys Draco was watching earlier. 'But I don't have a ball.'

'I do!' Draco said. 'It's at home, but I don't live far. I could go grab it.'

'Really?'

'Of course, just wait right here. I'll be right back.'

Draco ran all the way to his house. He was too out of breath when he passed his mother working in the garden to explain what he was doing. He just showed her the ball on his way back passed her. She was laughing at his excitement. His run back was slower because he wasn't used to running for such a long time. 

When Draco got back to the spot he left Harry, he wasn't there. 

He scanned the area as he gulped for air. Finally, he saw him. Harry was near the fields where they were playing football. Of course, it made sense to meet there. Draco began to walk toward him but stopped when he saw he wasn't just near the fields but on it and already playing with the red haired family. He hadn't waited for Draco to come back at all.

Draco backed away from them, hoping not to be seen.

First he walked toward his house, but then he remembered his mother laugh as he had ran by. The idea of him making friends would make her so happy, and he didn't want to dash her hopes. So he turned before he made it to his house and walked all the way to the library. 

Once inside he scanned the books and knowing he needed to waste some time he picked one up and began to read it in one of their chairs. He finished the book just before the library closed, and he took his time walking home. 

He decided he'd pretend to be tired from a day outside playing because he didn't think he could fake being excited for her.

It worked.

If she asked a question, he answered, but he didn't offer up information himself.

'Did you met someone at the park?'

'Yes.'

'I thought so!'

'What's his name?'

'Harry Potter.'

He'd leave the house and she'd ask, 'going out to play?'

'Yes!' Then he'd go to the library.

He went the next day and then the day after that. It became the place he always went when his mother thought he was going out with his friends.

* * *

A couple weeks later, Harry showed up in Draco's karate class. He asked where Draco had gone and why he hadn't come back. He explained that he had started to play with those kids, but he'd told them that Draco was coming. Draco said his mother had needed his help once he got home and that he couldn't get away. Harry said he had gone back to the park over and over again, hoping to run into him again but he never showed up.

Draco felt so stupid for jumping to conclusions about Harry. He really had waited after all.

The red-headed kid came back to the park every day, and he was in the class and he was the reason Harry's parents signed him up.

Draco had never made any friends in class, so when he walked up to join their conversation Draco introduced himself to him.

The redhead laughed and didn't take Draco's hand. 'I know your name. I've been coming to this class for over a year now.'

Draco had for three. He was good and often the instructors pointed out how he did a move and had him show everyone else. Draco did not know the kid's name, though, because he couldn't even recall seeing him. Draco spent his time in class watching the instructors and listening, not watching the other kids.

When they paired off many times Draco was left out, but with Harry there it would be an even number again and with Harry being new and Draco being the most experienced in class they were sure to be paired together. 

And they were. 

The red-haired boy glared at Draco.

'It's fine, Ron,' Harry said before he came to join Draco. Of course, it was fine. Harry was Draco's friend, too. 

Harry turned out to be more experienced than Draco expected, and he learned just as much from Harry as he taught him. Excited again about his new friend, he took Harry to met his mum who waited for him in the hall. Draco grabbed Harry's wrist to help lead him there. But Ron was at the door waiting for Harry as his group had worked on the other side of the room much closer to the door.

Ron looked down at Draco's hand on Harry's wrist and his eyes widened. 

At first, Draco thought it was because he was surprised that Harry was actually friends with Draco, but then Ron said, 'You are so weird, mate.' Draco quickly let go. Harry hadn't pulled away, but he could have just been being nice.

Draco's mother had a lot of friends from London who'd come out and visit her on the weekends sometimes. They'd bring their kids, who all went to public or private schools, when they were home for their breaks.

A few of them made fun of him being a state school kid right away, but others were nice enough, even if they ignored him. Luckily it was normally only one friend at a time, so there never were enough of them to gang up on him. They'd just play his games in the living room and he'd hide away in his bedroom.

But there was one girl, who'd always been nice to him.

For a long time, Draco had thought Pansy was his friend. He was always excited about her coming over and for a while, she did come more often than the others. Draco's mother knew how much he liked her.

Then one day when her mother came, she'd brought another one of their mutual friends along who also had a daughter their age. Draco had met Daphne before, but she had mostly ignored him. It turned out that Daphne and Pansy were best friends and had been for years. Draco talked to Pansy as they always did and Daphne ignored it for the most part like she always did. With not much to do, Draco suggested they play a board game together and ran up to his room to get one.

On his way back down the stairs he heard Daphne say, 'I hope he doesn't come back. You're too nice, Pansy. No wonder you hate coming here. It's better if you just ignore him. We normally just read if we are in the same room together, but most of the time he hides in his room.'

Draco froze and pain sliced through his gut. Pansy hated coming to visit.

'I can't just ignore him that would be rude. We're in his house, and besides what else is there to do around here?'

'Actually, a lot,' Daphne said. 'He might be a state school kid, but his parents are just as rich as ours. They have a lot of video games and movies, and there is a computer over there. He even has his own laptop in his room. That's usually what he is doing if you ever go up there. But, I read. I'm slowly making my way through this bookcase.'

'You're so mean, Daphne.' Pansy laughed, and then Daphne laughed with her and said, 'No, you are just too easily guilted into things.'

Draco didn't want to hear anymore, so he went back upstairs and pretended to fall asleep just in case someone came to check where he went.

But they didn't, not even Pansy.

And Draco learned that just because someone was nice to him didn't mean they really liked him. Harry seemed like one of those nice people. They felt too bad about being mean to anyone that, even though they had no interest in spending any time with Draco, they would never say that to him.

The incident with Pansy also taught Draco how to figure out if someone was one of those _just nice to everyone_ types of people.

She hadn't come to look for him, even though she was supposed to be waiting for him to come back.

If Harry really wanted to meet Draco's mum, then he'd bring that up on his own without Draco dragging him to her. Since it was where they were already headed, then it made sense to continue that way. If Harry took the chance to go off with Ron, then he never wanted to spend time with Draco in the first place. He was just being nice.

Draco's mother ended up ruining the whole thing by showing up and asking his friends names before Harry could make a move in one direction or the other.

As expected, Harry was kind and polite to her. It seemed genuine and it seemed real, but if he was just genuinely a nice person that was expected. It didn't mean he really wanted to be Draco's friend.

**1997**

'Harry,' Draco's mother was the first to break the silence at the long table. It could seat twelve, but they were gathered at the end of it. His mother at the head and Draco and Harry on either side of her. 'I haven't seen you since you and Draco took karate together. I almost didn't recognise you, you've grown so much. Draco hardly tells me anything anymore, what have you been up to?'

'Not much. Just school, football. I ended up quitting karate not long after Draco did.' Harry shrugged and glanced at Draco before looking back at his mother. 'Anything new with you?'

'Ah.' She waved the comment off. 'Nothing changes around here. How is your girlfriend? You must be getting serious now after, what two years?'

Draco could have banged his head against the table. 'I told you I wasn't sure if they were really dating, and I told you not to listen to her. It was a random comment I said _two years ago_ , that doesn't mean they'd been together for two years, mum.'

'Don't be rude, Draco. I'm just trying to make conversation and if you'd talk to me a bit more instead of making conversations as difficult as possible, then maybe I wouldn't have to assume so much. I apologise for my son, I don't know how you can spend so much time with him, except I'm sure he's only like this around me.'

Draco shut his mouth and stared at his plate. There was no response that wouldn't hurt his mother, and Draco was sure that Potter was about to shatter her world.

'It's fine,' Potter said. 'I don't have a girlfriend. Um, I'm actually not attracted to girls, so . . .'

'Oh, a boyfriend then?'

Draco could feel himself blush. He knew that about Harry, but the idea of Harry being with a girl hurt less than the idea of him being with another boy. Draco hadn't come out to his mother yet. He hadn't had a reason to.

'Not at the moment.' Potter smiled at her and they kept talking about relationships and how Potter really never dated anyone but had gone on a few non-starts in groups with friends. How Draco's mother hoped his parents were supportive, because _you know, you hear stories_ and he was just such a great kid and always had been.

All the while, Draco was having a break down because it wasn't true. It could not be true. He was loved by everyone. He must have dated someone. And because Potter assured her that his parents _were_ supportive, but they couldn't be. They weren't. Draco knew they _weren't_.

**1992**

Harry's parents were throwing him a twelfth birthday party and since they were also such nice people, they invited everyone in Harry's class. It was an annual thing that they'd done for him since he started school, Draco found out as Harry gave out the invitations. Plus, since Harry's family had just moved there, he said his parents thought it was a great way to meet some of the kids in his class he hadn't had a chance to get to know during the school year.

His birthday was at the end of July. They planned the party early enough that he could give out the invitations the last day of school.

See, genuinely nice people.

With a summer birthday, they could have easily had a party with only Harry's closest friends and no one would even have known they were being left out. 

If his birthday had been in the middle of the school year, like Ron's, then when he handed out invitations to everyone except one person it would have been a bit more noticeable. To that one person if no one else. But Harry's parents did the traditional invite everyone, even though they didn't have to.

And Draco knew the perfect gift for him.

On their first day of school, Harry had noticed Draco's bag and thought it was brilliant. It was real leather and Burberrys—as most of Draco's clothing was—so naturally it was expensive. Ron hated Draco's bag and made fun of it. But Harry loved it. Draco could tell that he wasn't faking that because he caught Harry looking at it all through the school year.

Draco was going to get him the new one that had come out that season. He picked a light brown instead of the black like Draco's because it fit better with the clothing Harry wore most often.

The invitation told Draco that Harry only lived a couple blocks away, so he strapped the package to the back of his bike and rode it there that afternoon instead of having his mother take him.

Ron was already there, lounging around as if he were at home instead of a guest in someone's house. There were a few others from their class in the living room with him.

Harry lit up when he saw Draco. 'You came!'

'Of course, I came.' Draco let Harry's mother take his present and put them with the others. She had a nice smile. It matched Harry's.

Draco followed Harry into the living room and not quite sure what to do with himself, hovered near the doorway. Harry pulled out some video games and Dean and Seamus started to play them while Ron and Harry watched.

Harry was up and down every few minutes as people arrived and then Draco began to feel awkward and in the way as people pushed past him to get into the living room. Eventually, Draco saw there was a wingback chair not far from where he was standing so he took it. He was there without really being a part of it all which was much the same way it was at school. 

Ron was loud and Harry was quiet. It was probably how their friendship worked. Ron annoyed Draco but when he was honest with himself, he just as easily could have been in Harry's position. Following Ron around and taking cues from him on how to act. Harry was shy and quiet which Draco loved about him.

Since it was Harry's party, the room and all of its activity surrounded him. He'd fumble over his sentences and Ron would say something that made everyone laugh and move on with the conversation.

And Harry's glance at Draco. When everyone was talking about something they liked, Harry looked at Draco and asked, 'What about you?'

There were so many things that Draco had never considered before. 'What about you? What's your favourite football team?'

'I don't know, England, I guess.'

Ron rolled his eyes. 'We were talking about English teams, not National.' Everyone laughed except Harry, and Ron said to Harry, 'He probably doesn't even like football.'

Draco had pretty much every type of video game system and all the most popular games but had never considered his favourite. And as he considered it aloud the room went quiet. He compared the pros and cons to handhelds and stations. He figured out that he did prefer handhelds because he could take them anywhere and the games he played the most were on them. He didn't enjoy fighting games or racing games, but he stopped talking before he revealed that was because it was boring playing against the system all the time. 

That was why he liked the handhelds. They were meant for one player.

Harry was smiling when he asked, 'Is there a video game system you don't have?' but no one else was. Harry's mother caught on to the tension before Harry did and got everybody up to go outside and play football for a while saying they all needed to burn off some energy. 

For a brief moment while they were picking teams, Draco feared no one would pick him. He was on a football team and at school not being picked was not an option. But this was Harry's party so, of course, he was one of the people picking teams, and Draco was the first person he picked. Ron was the other captain.

Their team was smashing Ron's and it was in no small part thanks to Draco. Harry was a great player, too, and they worked well together. Which was good seeing how Harry was the only person who'd passed to Draco.

During a breather one of their other teammates, Hannah, asked Draco, 'Do you ever smile?'

'What?' Draco had been watching everyone play and figuring out the best strategy, seeing their weaknesses and strengths. Because despite what Ron thought, Draco did watch football, he just didn't have a favourite team. He hadn't seen the point in it before. 

'You just look so serious,' Hannah said. 'We're just havin' fun, you know.'

'I'm concentrating, is all,' Draco explained.

But Hannah's words affected him, and by the end of the game Harry wasn't passing to him either.

* * *

Draco hid in the bathroom.

There was no other place for him to hide. At home, he had his tree house, but Harry didn't have one. He wasn't going to go poking about the family's bedrooms and there were people everywhere else inside and outside the house.

He wasn't crying, but he needed some time away from everybody else. People could be draining and a party involved a lot more interaction with people than school did.

'Hey,' Harry said as he knocked lightly on the door. 'Draco, are you in there?'

'Yeah.' Then he took a deep breath and opened the door, trying to make it seem like the was leaving anyway. 

Harry blocked his path, so he couldn't get out and didn't seem to be trying to get in. 'Are you okay?' He bit his lip and looked worried.

'Of course, why wouldn't I be?'

'You just—' Harry shook his head unable to find the right words. 

Then Draco wanted to cry because he was ruining Harry's party by being his awkward self and that was absolutely not how he wanted today to go. 

Finally, Harry finished, 'you were just gone a long time.'

Swallowing, Draco nodded. Harry's eyes were on his and Draco decided to tell him the truth. Friendships were based on honesty and trust, right? They had to start somewhere.

'I'm not very good with large groups of people.'

The corner of Harry's mouth twitched into a smile. 'It is a bit much.' He ran a hand through his hair and suddenly Draco wanted to kiss him. Harry said, 'I was really shy when I was a toddler and that's why my parents started throwing me these huge parties. They figured it was the only way to force me to talk to people. But it worked well. I got to meet my entire class and then we'd find common interests and then at school I wasn't so nervous around them. It helps that it's my house, you know?' 

'Yeah.' God, Draco was going to do it. He was going to kiss Harry. They were standing so close and just staring at each other in silence. Draco had just turned twelve and had never thought about kissing anyone before, not even Harry.

Draco looked between Harry's eyes and lips. Harry didn't say anything or back away, so Draco leaned forward and he thought Harry had too.

'Harry!' Harry's father called down the hall as he walked toward them. 'There you are. Everyone's getting restless. Presents and then cake alright?'

'Yeah,' Harry said and then gestured for Draco to follow. 'Come on!'

Draco wasn't nervous anymore because this was what he'd been waiting for all day. He couldn't wait to see Harry's face when he opened his present.


	3. Chapter 3

Out in the living room everyone was waiting for him, excited to see what he got; what they'd all be playing with right after cake. The wingback chair was taken then but there were enough people standing that Draco didn't feel as out of place leaning against the doorway just inside the living room.

Everyone oohed and aahed as Harry opened his gifts and then he passed them out for people to look at and play with as he continued opening presents. 

There was no missing the excitement in Harry's eyes when he got the box from Draco. He looked right at Draco before he started to open it and Draco smirked, knowing how much he'd love it. Nothing would be able to compare to his gift. 

Harry's jaw dropped when he looked in the box. 

'What is it?' Harry's mother asked. 

Harry looked back at Draco but seemed unable to speak. Finally, he pulled it out of the box. He saw confusion on some of the others' faces over why Harry was so surprised over a backpack of all things.

'Is it real?' Harry asked.

Draco nodded. Of course it was real, he wouldn't buy Harry a knock-off. 

Harry's father looked confused as Harry's mother took the bag from Harry looking at it. 'It's a Burberrys backpack.'

'Are you serious?'

She nodded and Draco waited for her to smile, but she never did. Harry watched his parents have a silent exchange of expressions with their backs to the room and a worried look on his face, and then Draco saw Ron glared at him and then look away shaking his head.

The shocked silence became uncomfortable. 

Harry's mother tried to break through it by moving on with the presents, but the tension still lingered even as Harry opened the bike from his parents. 

It took some effort, but they got everyone involved in games again and then took Harry out of the room to talk to him. Draco was still by the doorway, so he could see down the hall where Harry was gesturing angrily at them. They were using calming tones but it wasn't working.

'You're such a git, Malfoy,' Ron said.

Draco wasn't sure he'd ever heard Ron address him before, but he'd assumed he thought of him by his given name. Everyone used their given names in class. The teachers didn't but his classmates always had. He glared at Ron. He'd done nothing wrong. He simply bought his friend something he wanted. Harry's parents were being unfair.

'Why would you do that? I saw the way you smirked at him as he opened it. He's been nothing but nice to you and all you do is try to rub in his face how much money you have, how your parents give you everything.'

Draco opened his mouth to say that wasn't it at all. When had he ever done those things? It was a gift. Something Harry wanted. So what if Draco was the only person who he knew who could give it to him? But he shut it again at the look he got from the few people paying attention to their conversation. Hannah looked away from him when their eyes met. 

A moment later, Harry was in the doorway and gestured for Draco to follow him. Harry took him farther down the hall than his parents had, and it made Draco wonder if he knew that Draco had been watching them the whole time. 

Then Draco saw that the Burberrys bag was leaning against the wall.

'I can't accept this.' Harry looked defeated as he picked the bag up and held it out to Draco. 'It's too much.'

Draco closed his eyes, trying to keep control of himself. It wasn't too much. Not for Harry. He deserved more. As Harry's mouth kept moving trying to explain the unexplainable, all Draco could think about was his escape. 

He couldn't go back out there, and he certainly couldn't holding that bag which was hanging in between them right then.

Down the hall, behind Harry, was the side door. Taking the bag from Harry, Draco pushed passed him and ran through it, trying to ignore Harry's voice calling after him.

**1997**

After the horrible dinner with his mother, Draco still wasn't rid of Harry. His mother thought they were friends so Draco either had to tell her the truth—that they'd never really been friends—or go along with whatever Harry felt like doing at that moment.

Which was following Draco back up to his room after dinner and poking around his room again. Draco glared at him but didn't say a word.

'I always wondered what your room looked like,' Harry said. 'It's kind of . . . empty.'

Draco didn't like having useless things about taking up space. When he no longer used something, he got rid of it. Donated it or threw it away. He had nothing hanging on his walls and only his laptop was sitting on his desk. He had a bookshelf, but most of what he read came from the library.

Harry opened Draco's closet and Draco rolled his eyes. 'You're nosy.'

'I'm interested.'

'In what?'

Looking at Draco, Harry sighed as if Draco was the most exasperating thing in the world. Then he squinted at something in Draco's closet and said, 'Hey, is that—it is! You kept it!' Harry sounded excited. He sounded like he had that day he'd first seen it.

Draco's stomach dropped as he realised what Harry had seen and he jumped off his bed to try and keep him from getting it.

'Whoa,' Harry said with a laugh, holding the bag away so that Draco couldn't snatch it from him. 'You gave it to me, remember?'

'You couldn't accept it, remember?'

'That was my parents.' Harry took a couple steps back. 'They're not here right now, and I never got a chance to really look at it. I'd hoped.' Harry shook his head and then did begin to look at it. 'What's in it?'

Draco bit the inside of his cheek. Harry's tone was teasing, but there was something in it even though the bag had clearly never been used. He was torn on whether or not he wanted Harry to see inside it. Draco had daydreamed for years about Harry being in his bedroom, and now that he was all Draco wanted to do was vomit. 

He was humiliated. And worse, Harry didn't even realise it. That was how little he knew Draco. 

Harry had no idea what he was holding in his hands nor what he was about to do to Draco.

The Burberrys bag had been Harry's twelfth birthday present and the first thing he saw upon opening the bag was the Game Boy Draco got him for his thirteenth birthday. Harry smiled at it, but there was sadness around his eyes.

**1993**

By the time the next school year started, everyone had forgotten about the backpack. At least, no one made fun of him for it. Not even Ron. Harry had smiled and waved to him on the first day of school, and everything was pretty much how it had always been.

Harry and Draco talked in school. Ron butted in a lot. But they were okay. They were still friends.

Draco was not the birthday party type, and he'd successfully talked his mother out of it for years after his first failed party at the age of six. But thirteen she insisted was special and they had to celebrate it. 

She was aware that thirteen meant a completely different kind of party. She booked a DJ and planned it like an adult affair, but she couldn't understand—mostly because there was no way for Draco to explain to her without breaking her heart—that Harry and Ron could pass out invitations to all their classmates because everyone liked them, and Draco couldn't because they didn't. 

Mailing the invitations would have been the smarter thing to do, but he hesitated hoping to get out of it and didn't. Plus, if he had to give out invitations a tiny part of him wanted to hand Harry his, which would have been awkward if he mailed everyone else's.

Draco thought that the wise thing to do was start with Harry. He was his friend and most people liked him. They were in the hallway near Harry's locker when he pulled out an invitation and handed it to Harry.

'What's this?' Harry asked.

'My mum is desperate to celebrate my birthday.'

'You don't sound so excited about that.'

Draco shrugged and Harry shook his head as he shuffled through the invitations in his bag and handed Draco his. Then Draco was going to say something about there being a DJ or maybe to warn him that his mother had also invited all her friends and their kids, so there would be a lot of people there that he wouldn't know, but then Ron came bounding down the hall.

Ron was loud wherever he went and he more announced his party, that he was having that weekend at the same time as Draco's than formally invited anyone. It was an end of the school year party. His parents thought it'd be fun.

It probably would.

When Ron made it to Harry and Draco, Harry still had the invitation in his hand but thankfully Ron didn't notice it. He didn't notice the look on Harry's face as he realised he'd have to choose between the parties. He didn't notice the look Harry and Draco shared or Harry whisper, 'maybe I can make it to both,' because they both already knew he wasn't going to be choosing Draco. He didn't notice Harry sighing and falling back against his locker as Draco backed away. Ron just rattled on about their plans for the weekend and Draco was thankful for that.

Because if Ron had noticed he would have said something and then Draco might have had to punch him in his stupid face.

Later, while everyone else was at lunch, Draco slipped his invitations in everyone's lockers—except Ron's—because he couldn't bring them home, and he didn't want to get caught throwing them in the bin. Plus, just because Ron was having a party didn't mean everyone wanted to go; not everyone was even invited.

* * *

The good thing about his mother inviting all of her friends was that it was easy for her to think the party was a success.

She was busying with her friends, drinking wine and laughing in another room while they gave their kids privacy in the backyard full of preteens and teenagers dancing. There was food and even cake, but not kid stuff so Draco didn't even have to make an appearance to have to blow out the candles or open presents. 

It wasn't the type of party where they cared about watching someone open presents. 

Draco sat on his window seat with a book and watched the party from there.

A long time ago, when his parents lived together in the city and fought all the time, he would sometimes hide and see how long it took before someone thought to come looking for him. Someone would call his name and he'd come running not wanting to give up his hiding place.

Sometimes it took hours.

Draco was good at being alone.

He was good at waiting.

The window was cold against his forehead and he concentrated on that spot. He recognised everyone's face in the small crowd in his backyard. None of them were from school. But Draco didn't really care about them. When Draco thought he saw Pansy look up at his window, he left his room and went to go sit on the top of the stairs.

It was still early. Harry could still make it, but the music was loud and no one outside or in the middle of the party would hear it if he did.

* * *

Harry's thirteenth birthday party was a slumber party.

Boys and girls until nine o'clock and then all the girls had to leave.

When Harry answered the door, his eyes lit up. 'You came!'

'I told you I would.' But Draco knew why Harry thought he might not. Harry's parents wouldn't let him go to both and they knew Ron better than Draco. They knew his parents and were friends with them. He was expected to be there.

Harry showed Draco where to leave his sleeping bag: in the front room with all the others for now. They'd be sleeping in the family room, which was in the back and where everyone was right then.

Being in the same room with his classmates made Draco's nerves stand on edge. He always felt as if they'd attack him at any moment. Given enough time, he was bound to say or do the wrong thing. 

Especially after the year before, which being in the same setting made people remember. Harry's parents did the presents early this time. They said so that they could get out of everyone's way as they were also aware that thirteen was different than twelve. They'd "check up" but not hover over them anymore after the presents.

They also decided that Harry should open his present from them first. Draco wanted to roll his eyes at that. Until Harry did and they'd got Harry a Game Boy. Then he did roll his eyes.

It wasn't unheard of to get two of the same thing.

All in all, it could have been a lot worse. It was something one could use two of from time to time. Sharing with a friend—which Draco knew would be Ron, but decided he didn't care. Draco had two Game Boys himself. 

When Harry opened Draco's Game Boy, last because his father was picking out the presents, there was minimal fuss. Mr Potter gave Draco a disappointed look, but that was all.

True to their word Mr and Mrs Potter left the kids alone. They started playing party games and then, once the check-ins became less frequent and Mrs Potter had just left, one of the girls, Lavender, pulled out an empty glass soda bottle.

Draco's eyes immediately found Harry's. Harry looked unsure of the game but excitement flew through Draco.

'Okay, everyone,' Parvati said, 'Sit boy, girl, boy, girl all the way around.'

'Why?' Ron asked. He was sitting next to Harry and probably didn't feel like moving. 

'That's how the game is played,' Lavender said.

But there were too many boys to do that and when Draco sat between Parvati and Dean, she glared at him. 'We're supposed to sit boy then girl.'

Draco ignored her and then chuckled at everyone's blushing faces. Lord, they were all going to have their first kiss during a game of Spin the Bottle. Lavender had already handed the bottle to Harry. 

'Since it's your birthday, you should start.'

Harry looked like he'd rather not but he took the bottle anyway and started the game. Considering Draco's luck was generally shit, there was no reason for him to be holding his breath other than so was everyone else. It was the first spin of the night. So naturally everyone was. The chance of it landing on him was zero.

Until it did.

There was a gasp near him. It might have been his own. His eyes shot to Harry's but he couldn't read his expression. The silence was loud as they stared at each other. Harry moved and that strung everyone into disagreement.

Parvati said to Draco, 'I told you we were supposed to sit boy, girl,' as if that would have changed anything.

Lavender said the rules stated he should kiss the nearest girl, hence the sitting boy, girl thing to begin with. A couple people said he should do it because they thought it would be funny. One muttered that it should be up to Harry. That might have been him. Regardless, the moment was ruined.

In Draco's mind, the kiss would play out like the one they'd almost had the year before would have. Slow and perfect. Except this time, in front of everyone.

Draco would have been Harry's first kiss and everyone would have known it.

But then, if Harry did kiss Draco it would be rushed and with everyone fighting. If he didn't—well everyone had already made it clear how they felt about it happening. Draco's stomach tied itself in knots as people argued about whether they should kiss or not around them.

Finally fed up, Parvati stood up and went to Harry, grabbing his face and giving him a quick kiss. It was nothing and it was everything all at once. She took it. As silly as it was to think a first kiss was something someone could steal, that's what it felt like. It was supposed to be his and she took it.

'There it's done,' Parvati said as she went back to her spot. 'Can we move on now?'

There were a few nods and murmurs of encouragement before she spun the bottle. 

Draco didn't look at Harry. As Ernie was kissing Su, Draco excused himself to the toilet. Dean nodded him off and Draco sneaked out of the room. He didn't make it to the toilet before he ran into Mr Potter.

'Ah, Draco,' he said from the front room. 'Come over for a second.'

Draco entered the room and saw that Mr Potter had the still boxed Game Boy in his hand as he leaned his forearms against his knees. Harry had already taken the Game Boy his parents got him out of the box.

'You don't have to say anything, I get it.' Draco took the box and tried to shrug off the situation. It was difficult with the way Mr Potter watched him.

'Why don't you go put it with your stuff and go have some fun?'

Draco nodded and found his bag and sleeping bag with all the others as Mr Potter went off to the kitchen. After shoving the Game Boy in his bag, Draco walked back to the family room. He stopped just outside of it before going in. His spot in the circle had disappeared and Harry had his lips pressed against Hermione's.

He couldn't do it. Draco couldn't watch Harry kiss girl after girl, knowing no matter how many times the bottle landed on him he still wouldn't get his kiss.

So he turned around and grabbed his things and walked out the front door.

Because Draco's mother wouldn't expect him until morning, he slipped into his treehouse in the backyard and dreamed about what he would have done if he'd had the nerve to stay. All the girls had to leave. Draco could have laid his sleeping bag next to Harry's.

While everyone slept, they could have held hands in the dark.

They could share a real kiss, not a forced one after everyone fell asleep.

It almost made Draco go back.

No one probably even noticed he was missing. Once the girls were gone, he could go back.

But, he didn't.

**1997**

Draco looked away as Harry continued looking through the Burberrys backpack. The bag and the Game Boy were the easier things, the things Harry already knew about. They were memories they shared.

It was what Harry'd find next that terrified him.

But Draco didn't stop him and the next thing Harry found was what he would have got for his fourteenth birthday. 

It was still wrapped. 

Harry slowly lowered himself to the ground as he stared in confusion at the present. Once sitting, he looked at the tag and then back up at Draco. 

'You didn't come to my fourteenth birthday party.'

'I know,' Draco said, standing there looking down at Harry and feeling useless. That bag held and represented Draco's most carefully guarded secrets: that he'd never really had any friends—which he kept from his mother—and that fact it bothered him a lot—which he kept from the rest of the world. 

There was more in the bag, but Draco hadn't bothered to wrap the rest as he knew they'd never be opened.

'I don't understand,' Harry said, but Draco didn't offer him an answer. Then Harry found the envelope that held his seventeenth birthday present. 

As Harry opened the card with his name written across it, Draco went back to his bed and sat upright with his back against the wall, picking back up the book he'd been looking at before dinner. He couldn't watch Harry go through a bag of things he wanted but couldn't accept because they came from Draco.

'Apologies!' Harry stared up at Draco, and then back at the tickets in his hand. 

They were Harry's favourite band.

'The Tarnished Reputations. Downtown Terminal. That's Ron's favourite band. He'd freak! Burnt-Out Streetlights. When is this?'

Draco's stomach hurt. Of course, Ron would be the first person he'd think about. The concert was the next weekend. Draco knew how much Harry liked Apologies and grabbed the two tickets as soon as he found out they'd be headlining the Miracle on 98.4 Street; a local radio station's Christmas Festival they put together every year.

'Oh my God,' Harry said as he realised he could still go, but then looked up at Draco. Draco's eyes hadn't left the book, even though this was the reaction that Draco had longed to see for so many years. 

In Draco's peripheral, vision he saw Harry's movements.

Slowly he placed the tickets back in the card. Not only could he, of course, not except them, but Draco hadn't really given them to him. Just placed them in a card with Harry's name on it and shoved them in a bag.

'They're yours,' Draco said, 'take whoever you want. It's all yours. Just take the bag and go.'

'Did you want to go with me?'

He wanted to roll his eyes. That was generally how it went when someone gave someone tickets as a present. They went together. 

'It doesn't matter,' Draco said.

Harry picked himself up off the ground and slowly approached Draco. Draco looked up to see Harry studying him as if he'd never seen him before.

'What happened?' Harry asked. 'Why did you suddenly stop talking to me? Why'd you disappear from my party without even saying goodbye? Was it the game? It was just a stupid game. You know you were the one I wanted to kiss.'

'No, I didn't!' Draco put his book aside and sat up. 'How would I know that? When did you give me any indication of that?'

'When we'd almost kissed at my last birthday party!' Harry shifted closer to Draco's bed and was almost looking directly down at him.

'Oh, yeah? What about the in between? You had a year after your first party to kiss me, but you never did. You never even invited me to your house. We never spent any time together outside school.'

Harry opened his mouth to retort but then stopped. After he clamped his mouth shut, he grabbed Draco by the back of his head and pulled him up into a kiss. Draco had envisioned his first kiss so many times. Most of those times involved Harry. None of them were in the middle of an argument, though. Draco had never been the arguing type. More of the avoiding all conflict type.

When Harry attempted to pull back, Draco dragged him down on top of him, twisting around to lay on his back with his head against his pillows and deepened the kiss. He wasn't sure if this meant they'd made up or if Harry had only kissed him to prove a point, but Draco planned on making it last as long as possible. 

It seemed to work because Harry didn't try to stop the kiss, instead he met Draco's tongue with his own and when Draco pressed his erection against Harry's leg, he moaned and bucked against him.

Draco lifted the hem of Harry's shirt and slipped his hand underneath it, relishing the feeling of his skin against Draco's palm and fingertips. He dreamed about all the things he wanted to do to this body, and he finally, _finally_ was getting to live it. Harry responded by doing all the same things. He moved against Draco as he trailed his fingers down Draco's chest with one hand and pulled Draco closer with the other.

It took only a few seconds for Draco to undo Harry's jeans. He kissed down Harry's neck as he pulled out Harry's erection when Harry grabbed Draco's hand and pushed it away.

'Whoa,' Harry said, and then turned over on the bed, hiding his prick from Draco. 'That's a little fast.' His breathing was still harsh and his face was flushed. 'Oh my God—just, slow down.'

Draco swallowed and nodded. Harry resumed kissing him, but Draco didn't push anything forward anymore. He let Harry lead. This was the problem with genuinely nice people. You could never really trust them. Had he kissed Draco because he wanted to or because he knew that Draco wanted him to and he wanted to make Draco happy? With Harry leading, the kissing became less and less intense until they weren't kissing at all. They lay there in each other's arms quietly until Harry said he had to get home before his parents began to worry about him.

So Draco walked Harry to the front door, and on the step, they said their goodbyes. Draco wanted to kiss him again but he waited for Harry to make a move instead.

Harry didn't. He just waved and said he'd see him later.


	4. Chapter 4

**1994**

  
Draco and Harry didn't speak much after Harry's thirteenth birthday party. Draco didn't want to talk about the party and it seemed like Harry wanted to forget it ever happened, so they had their usual polite conversations in the few minutes before class started or in the locker rooms before or after a football game or practice.

On Harry's fourteenth birthday, Draco was sure he got a present that wouldn't cause an incident. It was just a dice and card game set. Nice and cheap and rather unlikely anyone else would think to get it for him.

When he got to Harry's house, Mr Potter was outside.

It didn't occur to Draco that he was waiting for him until he stopped Draco before he got near the front door asking if he could speak with him.

Mr Potter rubbed his face for a while as if he couldn't find an easy way to say what he wanted to say.

'Listen, Draco, I understand that you like my son.' Mr Potter searched Draco's eyes for understanding and then continued with, 'I don't know you very well and I'm sure you're a great kid which is why I feel someone needs to tell you this. It's obvious that you are trying to buy my son's affection, but that isn't how relationships work. You can't buy people's affection.

'If you were friends with everyone and always got _everyone_ something so . . . extravagant, then it wouldn't make everyone so uncomfortable.'

Part of Draco knew his feelings for Harry were obvious. But he'd never considered that Harry's parents had seen it. Draco didn't care how he made everyone else feel, but the word everyone implied he made Harry uncomfortable as well. Mr Potter tried to put a hand on Draco's shoulder but Draco stepped out of the way.

'If you were closer it wouldn't be so . . . odd. But you and Harry are not that close. You're the only one, not just on the team with him but in his class, that hasn't come around outside of his birthday. I've only ever seen you at his birthday parties and at the games and on those rare occasions my son always ends up locking himself away upset. 

'I know you don't mean to hurt him, but you do. He tries so hard to include you where I don't think you really want to be in the first place. When you get upset, it upsets him and you seem to always be upset. I don't like seeing my son upset.'

Draco's stomach was twisting in knots at Mr Potter's words.

'You're not good for him, Draco. And you're setting yourself up to get hurt. I don't want you to get hurt, either.' Mr Potter stepped toward Draco, again. 'But it is inevitable because Harry can't return the feelings you have for him any more than you can stop yourself from feeling them.' Glancing at the package in Draco's hand, Mr Potter asked, 'What'd you get him?'

Draco was too numb to feel anything. He felt as if someone had hit him over the head. At the same time, everything Mr Potter said Draco thought himself before. In shock, Draco simply answered,

'A deck of card and some dice.'

Mr Potter forced a smile. 'You're free to come in and try to be his friend and only his friend. It's your choice. But if today ends up like the last couple times, then I'll have to ask you not come back.'

'I understand,' Draco said and then nodded. Mr Potter squeezed Draco's shoulder before Draco even saw his hand coming to rest on it, and then he turned away and went inside the house as Draco stared after him.

Because Draco knew that there was nothing he could do to stop this party being a repeat of the others, he took a breath to steady himself and got back on his bike.

Then he went home and gave up.

He gave up football.

He gave up trying to join in anything.

He gave up on Harry.

**1997**

When Harry got home that evening, he went straight to his room not wanting his parents to ask about the bag he was carrying. They'd recognise it right away just like he had when he saw it in Draco's closet. They'd told him once he couldn't accept it and that was before—well, everything else Harry had found in it.

Sitting down at his computer, Harry went to the school's website. 

That evening gave Harry a bad feeling. It'd been a week since the charity drive had started and perhaps Draco had gathered all the stuff in his living room during that time, but it didn't make a lot of sense. Why not take it as he gathered it? There was no way he'd get it in there in one trip. Draco's car was tiny. 

Harry's team were the lions and he was pretty sure Draco wasn't on it, but he scanned the list again just to be sure. 

As Harry went through the lists one at a time a sinking feeling was in his gut. 

They hadn't added him. 

It could have been an oversight. Draco spent a lot of time after he quit the football team, quit everything, just trying to disappear. He knew people who'd thought he'd moved or was transferred to the public school his parents were known to have gone to. So it had worked. For many people, Draco had disappeared.

If that was what Draco wanted, then Harry had been happy that he finally achieved it and tried his best not to call attention to him. Although, Harry had never seen it, he assumed that Draco was picked on by their classmates. 

Draco was shy and awkward whenever anyone was around. Harry had always found it adorable. But he talked freely when it was just the two of them.

Harry liked that, too. It made him feel as though he were part of a secret world with Draco.

Getting up from his desk, Harry went back to the bag. He hadn't gone through all of its contents while with Draco as they'd forgotten about the bag once they'd began kissing. 

That Draco had continued to buy Harry presents even after he cut Harry out of his life confused Harry, but that his fourteenth birthday present was wrapped intrigued him. It meant that Draco had, at least, planned on coming to his party. It meant that something else happened that Harry didn't know about. Not just the Spin the Bottle game and not just the returned bag. 

Pulling out the tickets, Harry stared at them again. It seemed unreal. He could go. 

At first, the thought of bringing Draco hadn't come to him. Draco had made it clear that he wanted nothing to do with Harry anymore. But then they'd kissed. Harry could take him. He could take him as his boyfriend. Ron would have nothing to say to that. Sure Ron was his best mate, but Draco was his boyfriend.

Harry felt himself grinning at the thought. Draco. As his boyfriend. If they were boyfriends. Harry hadn't asked, but if they weren't then they were certainly on their way there.

It wasn't so much that Harry's previous relationships simply hadn't gone anywhere as much as it was that Harry wouldn't let them go anywhere. He wasn't stupid. Harry knew he was popular. It was mostly due to Ron and his older brothers' popularity, but people still tried to take advantage of it. 

There was one guy whom Harry dated for a couple of weeks who wasn't into Harry at all when they were alone. Harry tried, but he wasn't all that interested in any of his dates either. They didn't make him feel the way Draco did when he was alone with them. That was the feeling he wanted back. 

Harry hadn't known how to fix things with Draco, so he'd kept his distance.

How do you fix something when you don't know what's wrong with it?

Looking at the unopened gift from Draco, Harry remembered his birthday parties. 

How he'd jump whenever the door made a sound, waiting for Draco and trying not to act disappointed when other people entered the door. How Draco would hide in a corner or near a doorway no matter how hard Harry tried to pull him into the middle of the room with him. How Draco kept disappearing from them. How Harry's father kept finding him crying after Harry realised Draco wasn't coming back.

**1993**

Lavender finally got her kiss from Ron that'd she'd been hoping for all night as the bottle spun. When she pushed her tongue into his mouth everyone around them erupted into applause and laughter. Harry looked over to the door to see if Draco was hovering near. He hadn't returned to his spot in the circle. With Ron distracted, Harry shifted out of the circle and went to go find him.

It would be better without everyone watching. Everyone else could have their game and Harry and Draco could have their real first kiss.

But Draco wasn't in the bathroom or hiding in the hallway or the living room. Harry found his dad in the kitchen cleaning up all the mess from when they were eating earlier. 

'Have you seen Draco?' 

His dad looked up and then gave a heavy sigh. 'Not since I gave him back the Game Boy,' he said. 'Did he leave, again?'

Rolling his eyes, Harry left the kitchen. He knew he couldn't win a fight with his father, and he knew his father's reason for giving back the game—he didn't _need_ two—but it still bothered Harry that he didn't even mention it to Harry before he did it. Or let Harry do it himself. Not that it had gone spectacularly well the last time Harry did it. 

But Harry would have fought harder for it this time. There was no reason to give Draco back the Game Boy. Even if it meant Harry would have two.

'Hey!' his dad called after him, but Harry didn't stop. He went into his room and shut the door, probably harder than he should have. He flung himself on his bed and buried his head in his pillow. That is where his dad found him when he entered the room and shut the door much quieter than Harry had.

'Do not abandon your guests,' his father said in a stern tone. 'They did nothing wrong and I will not have you mopping in your room after one kid leaving when you have a room full of them that want to spend time with you.'

Harry was biting his tongue. Partly to keep himself from crying and partly to keep himself from yelling at his father. That his friends had done nothing wrong was not entirely true. That Harry had done nothing wasn't either. He should have spoken up. He should have said something. Although, Harry still couldn't think of the words.

'I just need a minute alone,' Harry said, once he'd gained enough control to speak.

The anger had left his father's voice once he spoke again. 'Harry, you don't have to be liked by everyone. Some people aren't worth the trouble.'

His father left before Harry turned around. But Harry didn't know what he'd say either way. He didn't want nor need to be liked by everyone. And it wasn't that Draco didn't like Harry. He wasn't leaving because of that. At least, Harry hadn't thought so.

It was that every time they got close to each other, someone hurt Draco and caused him to run away. They might not have meant anything by it. They were probably trying to protect or help Harry out in their own minds, but all they were doing was getting in the way. His father's words made Harry wonder if Draco was going to think that Harry wasn't worth the trouble anymore.

After Harry had calmed down, he ventured out of his room and back down the hall.

There was someone sitting in the dark in the living room and Harry quickly walked toward them, hoping it was Draco.

'Hermione?' Harry asked as he got closer.

When she looked at him, her mouth hung open but she quickly recovered and looked away. But Harry had already seen the tears rolling down her face. Harry swallowed as he came to sit next to her. He'd been so caught up in his own drama, he'd forgotten about everyone else's. Hermione had a crush on Ron as well. 

'I'm fine,' Hermione said when Harry reached out and touched her shoulder. 'I'm just being stupid.'

Harry shook his head. 'No, you aren't.' He took her hand and gave a pained smiled. 'Draco left, again.'

Hermione wiped her face and studied Harry's. 'Would you have? Had they not—'

'I'd rather it not have happened during a game, but yeah I would have had he let me.'

'I'm not sure your thirteenth birthday party would have been a good place to come out, Harry.'

'I'm not sure I care.'

That got Hermione to smile.

Just then Lavender, pulling Ron behind her, appeared in the doorway. 'Oh,' she said when she spotted them.

'Hey,' Ron said, smiling and flipped on a light. 'I'd wondered where you'd gone. You've been gone for ages.'

Headlights passed through the window as a car pulled in the driveway, causing Hermione to smile again.

'It's almost nine o'clock.'

Time for the girls to go home.

**1997**

On Monday, Harry cornered Hermione in the hallway as soon as he got to school and asked about Draco's name not being on any of the teams. She was on the planning committee.

'Some of the committee didn't feel it was fair,' she explained, but by the tone of her voice Harry could tell she was not one of those members.

'Didn't feel what was fair?' Harry asked. 'Excluding one person from a school-wide event?'

Hermione rubbed her forehead and began walking again as Harry fell in step beside her. 'His parents are rich, Harry. Everyone knows he could easily buy the competition and no one would be able to compete with him.'

'Do you think he'd do that?'

'Honestly?' Her look suggested he wouldn't like her answer, but he nodded anyway. 'Yes. I think he would, but I also think that it doesn't matter. The point is charity, not how we get it. But they felt that the other teams wouldn't even try or that everyone would be bitter about his team winning, especially if they won by a lot.' 

Harry thought about the piles of stuff sitting in Draco's living room and had to agree with her on that point. He planned on donating a lot. His team would have won.

It still didn't feel right to him.

They separated and Harry went to find Draco, hoping he was still at his locker. Maybe Draco didn't care much about the competition or Harry could give him better things to think about.

As Harry came up to Draco's locker, he saw that Blaise was standing at his and nodded to him. 'Draco here yet?'

Blaise gave Harry a confused look. 'Um, I don't see him.' Then he shrugged. 'He's usually here by now, so I guess he's not coming today.'

'Do you have his number?' Harry didn't like that he wasn't at school. They hadn't spoken since Harry stayed at his house for dinner the other night.

'No.' Blaise shook his head. 'We're not really that close. We just walk to some classes together and sometimes sit with each other at lunch.'

Harry had thought Blaise was Draco's best friend. It was really the only person Harry saw him around ever. Although, as Blaise had said. It was only by their lockers or on their way to the classes they shared; sometimes at lunch.

'Do you need help with something?'

'What?' Harry asked confused.

'What do you need to see Draco for?'

'Er.' Of course, it would seem odd to Blaise, to anyone, that Harry and Draco were suddenly friends or more than friends. They were never seen speaking to each other. Even Ron, who knew that Harry used to be sort of friends with Draco, would have found it odd out of the blue. 'I just wanted to see him.'

Harry looked away hoping his face wasn't as red as it felt. He wanted to do more than just see him, and suddenly Harry realised how idealistic he'd been with the whole thing. He couldn't just walk up to Draco in the middle of the hallway at school and kiss him good morning.

It was a stupid idea. They needed to talk. Harry needed to know where they really stood with each other and how comfortable Draco was with them being in public.

'Well, if I see him, I'll tell him you're looking for him.' Then Blaise waved Harry off and headed to class.

Harry nodded but was still lost in his thoughts. He didn't like that Draco wasn't at school. He didn't miss school often, not that Harry kept careful track but he noticed him and they still had a few classes together. He wasn't a sickly person and Harry knew he wasn't sick because he'd just seen him.

On his way to his first class, he passed the front doors and decided to skip it.

There were more important things at stake right then and Harry felt that he needed to talk to Draco right away. He should have asked before he left the other day. He should have come by the next day instead of waiting to see Draco the next day at school. Harry wasn't going to wait any longer. 

Harry'd waited for Draco long enough.

**1995**

Even though Draco didn't quit football in the middle of the season, it still felt sudden to Harry. One year he was there with them, and then the next without a reason or explanation he was gone. He was a good player when he let himself be.

Sometimes he just seemed out of the game, though. 

Harry waited by the coach's office to be noticed and once he was Madam Hooch gestured him inside.

'What can I do for you, Potter?'

'I was just wondering if you'd heard from Draco.'

She got that look on her face that Harry's father had sometimes when Harry brought up Draco. It was a sad look. A cross between pity and exasperation. As if she was happy enough not thinking about him and there Harry was refusing to leave well enough alone.

'No, he didn't sign up this year. I haven't seen him.'

'Did you call? See why?'

When Harry had just moved to town, his parents did most of the work to get him involved in things. But Madam Hooch had approached him about joining the football team after seeing a group of them out playing during a break. Draco and Ron had already signed up but Harry had been nervous about it. He didn't like trying out for things.

She'd made speeches about how teams were like families. If they were like families, then she should have worried about Draco not showing up as much as Harry did. Before she answered, Harry could already tell what she was going to say. Even though he was sure she'd have called his parents if he suddenly quit the team, like she had when he was sick for a week the year before, she hadn't for Draco.

'You can't force people to be a part of something they don't want to be,' she said as she shook her head.

But Harry was rather certain Draco did want to be, so he confronted Draco himself.

'Why'd you quit the team?'

Draco shrugged. 'I just didn't want to play anymore.'

'But you love football,' Harry said while trying to catch Draco's eyes. 

Draco wouldn't look at him.

'You know you can talk to me, right?'

'Look,' Draco said, still not looking at Harry but off into the distance. 'You don't have to talk to me. It doesn't make you a bad person or anything. I quit the team because I don't like being places I'm not wanted, and no one wants me there.' Draco held up his hand to keep Harry from arguing with him, but at least, he looked at him. 'Don't say you want me there, because you don't.

'We're not even really friends, Potter. You invite me to your birthday parties, but you don't invite me to your house. You don't come to mine and you didn't come to my birthday party.'

'That's just because—'

'We're not actually friends,' Draco interrupted him. 

Harry felt as though Draco slapped him across the face. They didn't have to go to each other's houses to be friends. Harry had a lot of friends that he'd never even met the parents of and had certainly never been to their houses.

'You don't have to be my friend. It's not an obligation to be friends with everyone.'

It was just like what Harry's father had said to him, but it hurt more hearing it from Draco. 

'I want to be your friend.' The moment Harry said it he wanted to take it back because Harry knew what he wanted from Draco was more than that. Because Draco had been there those times before and he _knew_ that or should have known that.

'I'm not sure your friendship is worth it.' Draco walked off before Harry could ask what he meant by that. What was "it"?


	5. Chapter 5

**1997**

Harry knocked on Draco's front door hoping he was awake. He'd break in if he had to, but he really didn't want the situation to get that desperate. He could picture the conversation with the police officer.

'Sorry, sir. I wasn't trying to steal anything, but I just had to talk to my friend to make sure I knew whether or not I could start telling people he was by boyfriend. It is of the utmost importance you see. How could I possibly go through school all day not knowing?'

Yeah, that wouldn't go over well.

A moment later the door opened, but it wasn't Draco; it was his mother.

Harry gave an awkward smile. 'Is Draco here? He wasn't at school and I was worried about him.'

'Oh, how sweet.' Mrs Malfoy opened the door wider and gestured for Harry to come in. 'He said he wasn't feeling well, but he doesn't have a temperature. You can go up and see him if you like.'

'Thanks,' Harry said, grateful she didn't ask why Harry wasn't still at school himself. He certainly could have simply waited until after school to check on his sick friend. While he was on the stairs heading up to Draco's room, Mrs Malfoy stopped him. Harry winced sure the third degree would start.

'Harry,' she said. 'I was just about to head out to do some shopping. Is there anything you need?'

Harry laughed and shook his head. 'No, thanks.'

'Alright, then. I'll see you boys later.'

Once the door closed behind her, Harry ran up the stairs calling Draco's name. Harry imagined that Mrs Malfoy probably spent a lot of time when she went out shopping.

Draco wasn't in his bed or anywhere in his room that Harry saw, so Harry called his name a few more times. He checked the closet and then went to knock on the bathroom door. It was the only other place that made sense if Draco were at home at all.

When no sound came from the bathroom, Harry tried to open the door.

It was locked. 

That's when Harry started to panic. 

'Draco!' Harry banged on the door louder and then he thought he heard a groan. Harry slammed his shoulder against the door near the lock. 'Draco, open the door.' When he heard nothing in response, Harry slammed his shoulder into the door again and again until it started to break free. 

After a couple more hits, Harry made it into the bathroom and found Draco lying on the floor. 

There was a mixture of blood and pills surrounding him. 

'Draco.' 

Harry ran to him and tried to get him to open his eyes. 'Draco, look at me,' he said as he slapped his face. Checking his wrists, they weren't bleeding fast and it was clear to Harry that the more and present danger were the pills. 

Harry ran out of the bathroom and down the stairs to the phone and called an ambulance. Once they were on their way, Harry ran back to Draco's side and lifted his head into Harry's lap, talking to him, trying to get him to wake up. 

It was mostly nonsensical comfort. 

'I'm here. I've got you. Help is coming.' Short and repeated over and over again as much for Harry's peace of mind as Draco's. 'I'm not leaving. I'm not leaving you anymore.'

Harry was pretty sure he'd never leave Draco's side ever again.

**1995**

The day Draco said he didn't think Harry's friendship was worth it, Harry went to the nurse during lunch and his mother came and picked him up.

In his room, when he was alone again, he didn't try to stop the tears from coming.

He didn't rationalise the situation to explain to himself why everyone had done what they'd done. That they all cared about Harry and were only trying to do the best for him. That they didn't mean to hurt Draco and by extension hurt Harry. He just let himself be angry at everyone for a little while. 

Angry that they got in the middle of something they didn't understand. Angry at himself for not telling them the truth and angry at himself for letting everyone get their way.

But mostly, Harry let himself be angry at Draco.

Which was something he'd never done before.

For knowing that Harry wanted him and walking away, for not standing up for himself ever, and for expecting Harry to be the one to fix everything all the time.

If Draco didn't want to be his friend, then so be it. 

Harry had plenty of friends. There would be other boys that made Harry's heart skip like Draco did. But right then he was going to mourn him. He would mourn him like his first pet fish after it died. And once he was done mourning him, he went downstairs to eat sweets with his mother.

'You're not sick,' she said, matter of factly.

Harry shook his head.

'Mind tell me what happened today, love?'

He didn't want to talk about Draco. He'd just finished getting him out of his system and didn't want to drag all the feelings out again. But he did have something he needed to tell his parents, and it was time to quit putting it off.

'I think I'm gay.'

**1997**

Since Harry wasn't family, he couldn't stay with Draco at the hospital. He'd left a note for Draco's mother at the house and she'd shown up a couple hours after they'd arrived. She had to fill out paperwork which kept her busy and from asking questions at first but, eventually, it was just the two of them. Waiting.

'Why would he do this?' she asked to no one in particular.

Harry had been asking himself that for a while by then and he'd come up with a lot of answers that she wouldn't like. But he wasn't going to let all of Draco's secrets go. It was Draco's choice what he wanted to tell his mother. 

'I don't know,' Harry said, because it was the truth.

Still Harry had learned a lot about Draco in the last few days.

And most of the things he learned weren't particularly happy. 

Harry sat with Mrs Malfoy until they took her to see Draco.

Harry stayed at the hospital until they allowed him to visit Draco. It was after a therapist came to talk to him. He wondered what they said to Draco to convince him to let Harry in the room. Or maybe Draco wanted to see him. Harry hoped it was that. 

The first thing Draco said was, 'My apologies.'

Then he looked about to cry so Harry rushed to take his hand.

'I'm here,' Harry said. 

'I see that.' And then Draco almost laughed. After a moment of just staring at Harry, he asked, 'Why are you?'

'Because I want to be here with you; I want to be here for you.'

Then Draco was crying and Harry lost himself because he kissed Draco right in front of his mother.

She cleared her throat and Harry quickly pulled back.

'I'll give you some time alone.'

She wasn't supposed to do that and Harry smiled at her grateful for her bending the rules for as long as she could before the hospital staff intervened. 

'I'm so sorry.'

'Don't,' Draco groaned. 'I did not do this to try and guilt trip you.'

Draco's hand still felt dead in Harry's. Harry brought it to his mouth and kissed it and then pressed it against his face. Draco was alive but still very much in pain. 

'You don't have to be here.'

'I _want_ to be here, Draco. I've wanted to for a very long time and that's what I'm sorry for. I should have fought harder for you. I just—Did it ever occur to you that I was just as insecure as you were? I thought I knew where we stood and you just close down and disappear, and then I'd second guess myself.'

'You don't seem very insecure to me.'

Harry rolled his eyes. 'Well, I've grown up a bit over the years and I've had a lot of help with that. I'm not insecure anymore. Except around you.'

Draco looked away and Harry knew he'd said something wrong again.

'I don't want to hurt you.'

'You're not—'

'Your father told me I was hurting you.'

Harry lost his breath. So that was the thing that had happened? It must have been. Harry could only imagine what all his father could have told Draco to make him think that he was hurting Harry. 

'You leaving is what hurt me, Draco.' Harry let go of his hand to try and brush some of Draco's hair away from his face but Draco shifted away before Harry could make contact. 'It wasn't you being there, but you pushing me away, you disappearing on me. _That's_ what hurt me. How was you leaving for good supposed to make that better?' 

Draco stared into Harry's eyes. 'You seemed a lot better without me around.' 

'Looks can be deceiving.'

They were quiet as Draco searched Harry's expression for something. After a few minutes he shook his head and looked away from Harry.

'I'm sorry. I'm not sure if I can trust you. I can't be sure if you really want this or if you just feel guilty.'

**1996**

Harry never ran into Draco outside of school. That's why seeing him at the little pub everyone hung out in was so surprising.

Well, "at" was probably the wrong word. 

Draco was outside of it with a couple of girls as Harry, Ron, Hermione and Neville made their way to the door.

Harry nodded to Draco and said, 'Hey.'

Draco's eyes went wide, but he didn't respond. The taller of the two girls did instead.

'Hello, gorgeous, I'm Daphne.' She glanced at Draco. 'Are these some of your friends from school?'

Ron snorted at that, but Draco turned his back to them and spoke to the other girl. 'Here's the place and you know how to get back.' Then he walked away without another word to anyone else.

'Draco!' Harry called but Daphne covered it up with her own shouting of, 'Prick!' Then she turned and smiled at Harry while the girl next to her blushed. 'It would have been an odd number with him anyway. This quiet girl here is Pansy. She isn't usually so quiet, but I think your tall friend here has left her speechless.'

Daphne had nodded to Neville who turned red at the comment, but Harry could tell from the way he was glancing at Pansy he was interested as well. 

Harry sighed. Daphne seemed like a nice girl and she was certainly pretty. Hopefully, she'd see that Ron would be more interested in her before long and Hermione and Harry could go back to their being the odd ones out again. Hermione was still the only person Harry had come out to. So many people thought they were dating and, bless her, she never corrected them.

Everyone filtered through the door and Harry waited to be the last as he watched Draco's retreating back.

At the table, it didn't take long for Daphne to turn her attention to Ron. Harry wasn't giving her anything. They found out that Daphne and Pansy were daughters of some of Draco's mother's friends. They'd hoped to be able to come mingle with some state school kids which Harry and Hermione rolled their eyes about, but Ron was more than happy to help them with.

Neville was too busy blushing to say much.

They weren't friends of Draco's either and listening to Daphne and Ron talk about him was giving Harry an ulcer. 

Finally, Hermione pulled Harry away.

'You need to go talk to him.'

'I have no idea where he is.'

Hermione bit her lip and looked away. 'I might know.'

'Really?'

* * *

Maybe it was because it still kind of hurt that Draco had told Harry he wasn't worth it. Or maybe it was the thoughts running through Harry's head about what it meant that Draco was hiding in the library when Harry was pretty sure he was supposed to be hanging out with his mother's friends' daughters at the pub.

It was simply that he knew Draco would attack him if he approached him then, so he sat across the library and tried not to be too noticeable with his staring. 

But he didn't walk across it and he didn't have the talk that Hermione was urging him to.

Was it horribly selfish that he wanted Draco to come to him?

**1998**

Draco was gone for a month after his visit in the hospital.

Considering everything, and that his mother wanted him to have the best care, it wasn't that long. The doctors felt he didn't need to be locked away and that it would be good for his mental health to return home.

Harry knew of this because Draco's mother kept him informed as Draco's boyfriend.

She was, well, difficult to convince that wasn't true. Either way, in her mind, Harry was Draco's best friend and had been since they were eleven.

He was also informed, and invited over, the moment Draco returned home.

And for once, Harry had a present for Draco.

Harry sat on Draco's bed with the Burberrys backpack next him when Draco came into the room.

Draco looked much better than he had when Harry last saw him, but he wasn't smiling.

'That tricky witch,' Draco said.

Harry smiled. 'I have something for you.' He pat the bed next to himself. 'But first, I'm going to open my presents.' Harry opened the backpack.

'You're using it?'

Harry shrugged.

'What'd your dad say?'

'We had a fight about it in which I told him that I don't give a fuck what he says and that I love you and I wasn't going to let him push you away from me anymore.' Harry was staring at his hands during that last part but then looked up to see Draco's reaction. 'I love you. And I know you love me, so don't even fight with me about it. Your mum thinks we've been dating for a while. I don't plan on telling her otherwise. Unless you decide to set her straight on that, then it looks like we're boyfriends now.'

Harry couldn't stop himself from smirking at that because no matter how hard Draco fought it he was beginning to smile. 

'Come sit down and let me open my presents so that you can open yours.'

Harry laughed at the cards and dice set, and said, 'I'll take them with me where I go.' The rest were amazing seats at concerts or ball games that Harry would have loved to attend. 

'I didn't go to the Christmas concert. I didn't want to go without you.' Harry cut off Draco before he said something stupid. 'I figured there will be plenty other concerts and football games we could go to once you came home.'

Draco quietly took Harry's hand and brought it to his mouth, kissing it. Harry pulled Draco to him and gave him a light kiss.

'Don't get too carried away, I actually do want you to open your gift.'

'Okay?'

Harry handed Draco a thick envelope. It was full of pictures of the Christmas party after the fundraiser. Draco looked up at Harry confused but then continued to look through all the pictures. 

'Was it a shitty party?' Draco shook his head. 'Everyone looks irritated. So I guess your team won. Wait—'

Harry smirked as Draco looked back and forth between Harry and the pictures.

'Hannah and Theo weren't on your team.'

'You see, you left a lot of stuff in your living room that your mother didn't know quite what to do with. And Hermione was on the charity committee and felt _that it would be unfair_ to give it all to one team and have them win.'

'So?'

'Some people thought that it would add to the competition to give the losing team a handicap advantage, but she didn't feel that was fair. Really the only _fair_ thing to do was to make all the teams even . . . so no one won. Everyone got to go to the party but, well, some people were rather bitter about it.'

Draco smiled down at a picture of Ron and Hermione. 

'Hermione seems pleased with herself.'

'Well, Hermione enjoys getting under Ron's skin, so—she's rather grateful to you right now.'

Harry waited for a beat. 'Are you pleased?'

'Did you know that's what I was planning?'

'It made sense after we thought about it.' Harry shrugged. 'It's just a party. If they're bitter about it, then it's on them. They should be happy everyone got to go no matter the circumstances.'

Draco pulled Harry into a kiss and then pressed his forehead against Harry's. 'I don't have a choice in this boyfriend thing, do I?'

Jokingly Harry said, 'No.'

But after a moment, he sighed and said, 'Yes. I can't force you to date me.'

'Harry, how can you not tell how hopelessly in love with you I am?'

Smiling, Harry asked, 'How could you not tell how hopelessly in love with you I am?'


End file.
